Saturday, November 22, 2008

Going Green - An Islamist Conspiracy?

The Ghost of Michael Savage told me that Osama bin Laden and Leonardo di Caprio have the same goal: going green. Green is the color of both the environmental movement and Islam (just look at the Libyan flag), which leads me to the conclusion that the "earth first" movement is really a front for Islamic terror. NBC and its "Green Week" are no better than al-Jazeera.

Seriously, with ice shelves growing, the last decade being one of the coolest on record, and animals coming off of the endangered species list, should we take the alarmists seriously? Wouldn't it behoove Al Gore, the prophet of global warming, to start taking credit for some of these changes because of all of their good work the last couple of decades?

I'm going green...'cuz I'm gonna puke.

ESPN Analysts Determine Football Players Play Football in Football Games

ESPN football analysts lead the charge in explaining that football players use a football in the football game. "Ben Roethlisbeger is a football player. Nobody throws the football in a broken football play like Ben, " Mark Schlereth pointed out. Merrill Hoge suggested, "On the defensive end of football, football linebacker football Joey Porter attacks the football at the football line of scrimmage as well as anyone in football."

Tom Jackson opined, "Scoring the football is important to winning the football game, but preventing the other football team from advancing the football is at least as important." Summing up the conversation, Ron Jaworski concluded, "That's how you win football games in the National Football League."

Football football.

Props to the Prop 8 Protesters

As we all know, nothing is more effective in changing things than a handful of intellectually diverse individuals protesting at completely irrelevant place. Therefore, kudos to the handful of unwashed losers who protested outside a Mormon Church in Seattle with signs like "Stop Preaching Hate" and "Keep the Hate in Utah." The Mormons have a long history of caving in to contrarian groups and governments, so a half dozen sign-wielding hippies a thousand miles from headquarters was the perfect way to stick it to the church.